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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

#3285279
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41929) - you deserved it (5219)

On 06/27/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by Acneface - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

#3279854
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (57473)

On 06/27/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by jake (man) - Denmark (Frederiksborg)

Today, my husband passed a massive kidney stone. He is so proud of it that he wants to decorate our home with it. It is now sitting on my kitchen counter next to my produce. FML

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

#3271801
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56065) - you deserved it (6931)

On 06/27/2009 at 10:29am - love - by a_B_c_D_e_F_g (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

#3271305
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60674) - you deserved it (9162)

On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

#3269585
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44364) - you deserved it (4888)

On 06/27/2009 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125548) - you deserved it (9369)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML

Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML

#3267231
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39211) - you deserved it (16843)

On 06/27/2009 at 3:03am - work - by EmployeeOfTheMonth (man) - United States (California)

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

#3266554
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10619) - you deserved it (73151)

On 06/27/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by mtorres8789 (woman) - United States (Texas)

quivx's comment : You're an idiot

See all the comments →

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

#3264690
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66243) - you deserved it (2912)

On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8937) - you deserved it (115105)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

#3261823
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10173) - you deserved it (36295)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by zyordz (man) - Peru (Huanuco)



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