Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

by nicolette5785452 / 11/16/2010 at 10:34am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 7:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

by huulo / 11/16/2010 at 5:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 3:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 2:13am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 1:34am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Love

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

by n0taplumber / 11/15/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 9:02pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 8:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

by grlzze444 / 11/15/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:31pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

by kylie / 11/15/2010 at 4:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love