Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

by maggotsinmycarpet / 07/12/2010 at 4:56pm / United States / Animals

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

by jazthefish / 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

by Wrongtoilet / 07/12/2010 at 4:28am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

by fat / 07/12/2010 at 3:52am / United States / Health

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

by LexiBoBexi / 07/12/2010 at 1:38am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

by Sarah220 / 07/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

by RachelVanLannen9 / 07/11/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

by Nancy / 07/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2010 at 2:18pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

by alejandro38 / 07/11/2010 at 10:44am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

by awkwardsituation / 07/11/2010 at 4:05am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

by Cheyenne / 07/11/2010 at 2:06am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2010 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous