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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

#2524012
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43907) - you deserved it (21771)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:18am - kids - by failbaby (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

#2523600
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48671) - you deserved it (2173)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:05am - work - by smidge (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

#2523037
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52325) - you deserved it (6015)

On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

#2513205
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54973) - you deserved it (31066)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Bawo (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

#2509070
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8970) - you deserved it (47118)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by thechad_144 - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36034) - you deserved it (61277)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

#2503309
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13570) - you deserved it (59363)

On 06/01/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

#2501660
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59904) - you deserved it (3525)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

#2501509
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71891) - you deserved it (4221)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

#2501492
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40434) - you deserved it (3562)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was working as a waitress at this pub. It was dead. After 4 hours I had only made 5$ in tips. A friendly couple came in and complimented EVERYTHING down to the freshness of the lemons in their tea. The bill came to $50. They left me a $5 gift card to starbucks. I don't drink coffee. FML

#2501090
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43445) - you deserved it (6922)

On 06/01/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by Kitty (woman) - United States (New York)



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