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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

#1445711
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40266) - you deserved it (9912)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by broomrape (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53085) - you deserved it (10116)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Zolty's comment : Only anorexic people don't want their thighs to touch.

See all the comments →

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

#1444168
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89564) - you deserved it (7859)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

#1440141
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38785) - you deserved it (7301)

On 04/28/2009 at 9:39pm - misc - by kate (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

#1438433
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48848) - you deserved it (14257)

On 04/28/2009 at 9:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

#1435324
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44138) - you deserved it (2527)

On 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

#1432736
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41582) - you deserved it (4406)

On 04/28/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by My_Cow_kiM (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

#1429978
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59513) - you deserved it (4968)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

#1429892
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17378) - you deserved it (51122)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML

#1427967
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13035) - you deserved it (51885)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

#1427815
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38736) - you deserved it (7355)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18582) - you deserved it (54632)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)



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