Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 3:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

by robbyrabbit / 11/11/2010 at 2:41am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

by iharethissomuxh / 11/11/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 11:32pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

by lala / 11/10/2010 at 9:49pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

by MrandMrsRendon20 / 11/10/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Transportation

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

by smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo / 11/10/2010 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

by khaelian / 11/10/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 11:32am / Argentina (Cordoba) / Miscellaneous