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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

#3252753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56628) - you deserved it (2964)

On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

#3249982
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16784) - you deserved it (45217)

On 06/26/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by Saucy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

#3246317
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40294) - you deserved it (6242)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by sad_panda (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

#3241912
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54162) - you deserved it (9018)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by hatesurf (man) - Peru (Lima)

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

#3241027
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44866) - you deserved it (26744)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

#3237378
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100532) - you deserved it (9673)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:31am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

#3237223
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51964) - you deserved it (10008)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:22am - love - by shouldhaveknown (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

#3237157
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40869) - you deserved it (2531)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by toothfairy (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

#3232883
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42432) - you deserved it (6718)

On 06/26/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by stupidgirlll - United States (Florida)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657
685 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84303) - you deserved it (19362)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

#3230818
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47555) - you deserved it (6042)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Ipickthegoodones (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

#3229865
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67138) - you deserved it (39372)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)



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