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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

#6609748
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (3226)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:15am - animals - by Worsttreeever (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

#6608304
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7750) - you deserved it (32105)

On 12/04/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Wino (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

#6605236
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (7218)

On 12/04/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by olive_costume (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22558) - you deserved it (2116)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I dropped my camera down 4 flights of circular stairs from the top of a lighthouse. Everything worked, it just had a few dents. Then, as I went to put it in my pocket, I missed. It fell 3 feet and hit the floor. Now it won't turn on. FML

#6603639
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29278) - you deserved it (16240)

On 12/04/2009 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

#6602285
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22939) - you deserved it (5984)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by dogless (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35401) - you deserved it (13888)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26606) - you deserved it (2990)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

#6599042
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6790) - you deserved it (42871)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by mainlaw (man) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13388) - you deserved it (33683)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

#6598474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38814) - you deserved it (2590)

On 12/04/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by tawan - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (6123)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

#6596310
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24012) - you deserved it (2307)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:35am - money - by anon - Australia (Queensland)



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