Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

by karebear / 09/09/2010 at 1:33am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

by niccy / 09/09/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

by imaqtb / 09/08/2010 at 11:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

by Chester (Seattle) / 09/08/2010 at 10:15pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 9:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

by WTF?!?! / 09/08/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

by undoable / 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML

by Lauren / 09/08/2010 at 7:13pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

by onthemarket / 09/08/2010 at 3:46pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

by jrad / 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 2:09pm / Greece (Attiki) / Health

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 7:24am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 4:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy