Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2010 at 11:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

by mommysgirlapparently / 10/28/2010 at 11:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

by MissTrix / 10/28/2010 at 8:58pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Geek

Emrysa's comment : Your best friend sounds awesome, tell him.

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Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

by Fatality / 10/28/2010 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

by kaz89 / 10/28/2010 at 10:19am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

by scratchpost / 10/28/2010 at 8:07am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

by djoe / 10/28/2010 at 8:00am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2010 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

by monogamous / 10/28/2010 at 5:26am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

by katie06 / 10/28/2010 at 2:39am / United States / Animals

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

by unsatisfying / 10/28/2010 at 1:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2010 at 12:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

by heshay / 10/28/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Texas) / Love