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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

#8663414
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26148) - you deserved it (2400)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Ineedit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

#8663349
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7220) - you deserved it (27812)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:43pm - animals - by Shinobi_3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

#8659721
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57248) - you deserved it (4138)

On 02/26/2010 at 7:55am - health - by Jeri (woman) - United States (California)

Jewelofagal's comment : Time for some serious discussions about the state of your marriage and his level of consideration, care, and respect for you.

See all the comments →

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

#8658955
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28256) - you deserved it (2934)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:17am - misc - by cman (man) - Romania (Iasi)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28205) - you deserved it (8132)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

#8658890
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12059) - you deserved it (41186)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

#8658648
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58267) - you deserved it (3132)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:23am - love - by pain (woman) - Japan

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

#8658617
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21076) - you deserved it (3824)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:21am - intimacy - by humiliated - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

#8658331
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13020) - you deserved it (22951)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:10am - misc - by princess4242 (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

#8658326
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25190) - you deserved it (6629)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:09am - misc - by ilovecowboys (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

#8658018
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26535) - you deserved it (6112)

On 02/26/2010 at 3:30am - misc - by UnfortunateGirly (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

#8654882
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27474) - you deserved it (4139)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:07am - misc - by single now - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

#8654790
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32562) - you deserved it (1849)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:04am - money - by Julia - United States (Pennsylvania)



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