Today, I got home from my holidays to find my flatmate has moved his girlfriend in without asking me. Not only does she walk around naked, she has also redecorated the rooms. FML

by iluvpeanutbutter / 01/29/2011 at 1:13am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

by Poopie / 01/29/2011 at 1:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

by Username / 01/29/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

by Mervin22 / 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex any more. FML

by ohyey / 01/28/2011 at 8:50pm / Norway (Vest-Agder) / Intimacy

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

by peeoncarl1111 / 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm / United States / Love

ohhjenn's comment : you deserve it for being a cheater!

See all the comments

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2011 at 2:59pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2011 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

by Damn.... / 01/28/2011 at 2:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

by bittenbyadonkey / 01/28/2011 at 12:23pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

Today, while presenting a project I've worked on for months, one of the professors exasperatedly cut in mid-sentence, saying, "Look, it's shit. Just stop already." FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2011 at 12:00pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

by NotoriousSRJ / 01/28/2011 at 10:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

by duckthehack / 01/28/2011 at 9:25am / Poland (Wielkopolskie) / Kids