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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91246) - you deserved it (4658)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36434) - you deserved it (11609)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year old son decided to ask aloud "What's Chew and Screw?". FML

#3790073
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7251) - you deserved it (58737)

On 07/15/2009 at 11:53pm - kids - by bigdaddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

#3787096
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16037) - you deserved it (36903)

On 07/15/2009 at 10:08pm - work - by beingthebossisoverrated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML

#3786711
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38441) - you deserved it (5430)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

#3785387
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71404) - you deserved it (11964)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by broooooock (man) - United States

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

#3784088
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52394) - you deserved it (3936)

On 07/15/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

#3783487
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19422) - you deserved it (50115)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by daisyann (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

#3782569
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45210) - you deserved it (6526)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

#3781020
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45556) - you deserved it (5207)

On 07/15/2009 at 6:23pm - misc - by ughhh123456789 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

#3777907
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8388) - you deserved it (52707)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Alex - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML



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