Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

by Lewis / 09/04/2010 at 7:02am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

by Black Cat 13 / 09/04/2010 at 2:52am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I saw a car on the side on the highway with a popped tire. The driver didn't have a spare, so I nicely gave them mine. One hour later my tire popped. FML

by anonymous / 09/04/2010 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

by FMyLife5915 / 09/04/2010 at 12:15am / Intimacy

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

by lalalasmiles06 / 09/03/2010 at 11:47pm / Health

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML

by mandy16 / 09/03/2010 at 11:43pm / Health

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

by insomniac / 09/03/2010 at 7:02pm / Health

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

by Jesska / 09/03/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

by Fmylife.25 / 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Love