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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

#1962553
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38959) - you deserved it (2447)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

#1962325
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44068) - you deserved it (2914)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

#1961267
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37752) - you deserved it (11389)

On 05/15/2009 at 11:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

#1961143
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35332) - you deserved it (6673)

On 05/15/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by artclasstrauma (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

#1958510
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15385) - you deserved it (54593)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:07am - intimacy - by dwek (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

#1958441
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37324) - you deserved it (5999)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

#1958201
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12460) - you deserved it (36839)

On 05/15/2009 at 6:20am - kids - by Sodge (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

#1957441
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37143) - you deserved it (2047)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

#1957244
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49297) - you deserved it (8456)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:08am - intimacy - by Langdon (woman) - United States

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42623) - you deserved it (7274)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21872) - you deserved it (40372)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

#1954003
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8250) - you deserved it (33656)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by NotSoCool (man) - Singapore

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

#1953704
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9258) - you deserved it (45773)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:32am - misc - by sweet92 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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