Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML

by tmac05 / 11/13/2010 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

by baconbreath=| / 11/13/2010 at 12:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

by klm878 / 11/12/2010 at 11:10pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

by penguins / 11/12/2010 at 7:30pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

by rog3rli / 11/12/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

by Username / 11/12/2010 at 7:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML

by roberto / 11/12/2010 at 6:48pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Intimacy

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone in my class wrote "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

by Petitprof / 11/12/2010 at 1:23pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Miscellaneous

Today, my six year old daughter discovered the family's pet rabbit in the basement freezer. The rabbit had died almost a year ago, and we'd stored it in the freezer, intending to bury it later. Here's to the trauma of losing the family pet. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 1:23pm / United States / Animals

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

by lisacasabonita / 11/12/2010 at 11:31am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy