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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

#4744238
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26531) - you deserved it (4116)

On 08/22/2009 at 8:43pm - love - by Loveless (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

#4739824
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31975) - you deserved it (5025)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07pm - animals - by ShockBait (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

#4738861
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29274) - you deserved it (10373)

On 08/22/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

#4738686
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9965) - you deserved it (41501)

On 08/22/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

#4737465
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12326) - you deserved it (34342)

On 08/22/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Idiot (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

#4736198
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49601) - you deserved it (6001)

On 08/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by doomed (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43962) - you deserved it (22565)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

#4733759
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34005) - you deserved it (2988)

On 08/22/2009 at 11:39am - love - by roostergirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

#4730526
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34840) - you deserved it (4030)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:29am - kids - by naughtyshirt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

#4730370
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35588) - you deserved it (11163)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07am - health - by Buggga (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#4728013
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39652) - you deserved it (5336)

On 08/22/2009 at 2:29am - kids - by NoCookForYou (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turns to my dog and says "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our new dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

#4726515
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29764) - you deserved it (2735)

On 08/22/2009 at 1:39am - animals - by bigscarypuppy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my 15 year old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML

#4725527
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6424) - you deserved it (51161)

On 08/22/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by John (man) - United States (Colorado)



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