Today, my dad and his girlfriend left for a 10-day vacation. They booked an expensive beach-house. I'm an A grade student and just last month, he stopped paying my school fees because he 'couldn't afford it.' Oh, and he's making me feed the dog while he's away. FML

by schoolkiddo / 09/08/2010 at 3:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

by dom / 09/08/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

by bustedfornuthin / 09/08/2010 at 12:42am / United States (New Mexico) / Transportation

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

by arose / 09/08/2010 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

by dumbdad / 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids

NicoleIsCrazy's comment : That REALLY SUCKS!

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Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said "Ok, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

by Jobless / 09/07/2010 at 7:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got a separation agreement from my wife. It was sent from the lawyer she spent the long weekend with right before she told me it was over. FML

by Glutton for Punishment. / 09/07/2010 at 5:30pm / Love

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I was shopping in a store and an employee was mopping the floor. She mopped all around where I was standing then told me to wait until the floor dried to move. I had to go to the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 1:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

by drew / 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

by Ashley / 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy