Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

#2051394
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42349) - you deserved it (3986)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm - love - by imnotTHATlonely (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

#2050004
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (23230)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by Posty (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

#2049243
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33115) - you deserved it (16447)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

#2048727
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50336) - you deserved it (3137)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by BassGuy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

#2048431
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44881) - you deserved it (5610)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:46pm - love - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

#2047113
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43293) - you deserved it (4636)

On 05/18/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61102) - you deserved it (6179)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

#2045197
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37024) - you deserved it (4952)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:22am - kids - by BeatenUpPup (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

#2044978
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8368) - you deserved it (45869)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

#2043570
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55675) - you deserved it (3141)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:48am - health - by esk (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

#2043522
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40897) - you deserved it (15495)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

#2042132
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35948) - you deserved it (21161)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

#2040967
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42992) - you deserved it (7060)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: