Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17247) - you deserved it (85063)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40445) - you deserved it (5399)
On 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm - misc - by EricCartman (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38463) - you deserved it (8788)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:17pm - animals - by Debra2005 - United States (Texas)
Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60804) - you deserved it (3349)
On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25130) - you deserved it (91598)
On 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by Kens (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9338) - you deserved it (66820)
On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37979) - you deserved it (24121)
On 05/19/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by Deconstructed (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18685) - you deserved it (38280)
On 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by laptopsRus (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14407) - you deserved it (52346)
On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was flying back home from college with my Mom. At the airport, the ticket agent tells us she only has one ticket listed for Margaret. My mom and I have the same name. American Airlines thought a Margaret had bought two tickets by mistake, so they cancelled one of the transactions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60168) - you deserved it (3744)
On 05/19/2009 at 11:50am - misc - by Margaret (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13914) - you deserved it (82234)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56037) - you deserved it (7943)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59798) - you deserved it (7656)
On 05/19/2009 at 6:13am - misc - by notnerb - New Zealand (Auckland)
Thursday 10 April 2014
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↑ Bleep's comment : What kind of attention whore discusses raunchy details of their sex life on the bus, loud enough for others to hear, anyway?
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