Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38701) - you deserved it (24362)
On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43251) - you deserved it (7911)
On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (239101) - you deserved it (49636)
On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - animals - by Rhyno - United States (New York)
Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (43082)
On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49142) - you deserved it (2168)
On 05/05/2009 at 9:55am - misc - by Lelia701 (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46852) - you deserved it (7919)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by dinosawerr (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (146185) - you deserved it (8434)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27279) - you deserved it (52007)
On 05/05/2009 at 6:32am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28825) - you deserved it (66361)
On 05/05/2009 at 3:43am - love - by sunboy52 (man) - United States (Texas)
↑ laestrellita's comment : This is why you don't keep nude photos of your girlfriend. You look and then delete that shit.
Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16047) - you deserved it (56686)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50041) - you deserved it (8398)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43473) - you deserved it (3160)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:11am - work - by kekumbas (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13635) - you deserved it (87126)
On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Friday 7 March 2014
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments - FeedBurner alternative
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
↑ Luckster's comment : Ouch!! Not a good first impression one bit! I'm sorry!!
See all the comments →