Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13588) - you deserved it (71168)
On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60433) - you deserved it (2616)
On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (101437) - you deserved it (5031)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32899) - you deserved it (83849)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53916) - you deserved it (5385)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:08pm - animals - by redmethod87 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68993) - you deserved it (2443)
On 04/08/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by daremetobecooler - United States (New York)
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13989) - you deserved it (83933)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47965) - you deserved it (10343)
On 04/08/2009 at 8:49am - misc - by bkeiya (man) - Japan (Kanagawa)
Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16050) - you deserved it (93226)
On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40965) - you deserved it (19266)
On 04/08/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by MarcusJones713 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63908) - you deserved it (4405)
On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59764) - you deserved it (8896)
On 04/08/2009 at 3:19am - love - by DL06 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16843) - you deserved it (66636)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Friday 20 December 2013
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↑ checkyesbecca's comment : And you would be doing this at a public restaurant? You deserved it, don't be so stupid next time.
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