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Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

#3630061
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21542) - you deserved it (55274)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in my front yard. As I stormed off in my dramatic exit, I realized I had locked myself outside. I had to ask my now ex-boyfriend to borrow his phone so I could call my mom. FML

#3627701
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35420) - you deserved it (8628)

On 07/10/2009 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

#3627514
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (17632)

On 07/10/2009 at 12:08am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, one of my bosses came into work and told me that they had seen my dad's twin in the supermarket holding hands and kissing a much younger woman and her baby. My dad doesn't have a twin. FML

#3624810
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50791) - you deserved it (2119)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:37pm - misc - by tor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

#3620845
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18548) - you deserved it (53440)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

#3620839
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9191) - you deserved it (83965)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

ghostgirll's comment : thats why people shouldnt joke about mental retardation. YDI :)

See all the comments →

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

#3613617
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45682) - you deserved it (3217)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:17pm - work - by ST3PH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

#3613021
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18517) - you deserved it (60356)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by sadlife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

#3611862
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53092) - you deserved it (3115)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

#3611861
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47381) - you deserved it (12274)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Fattie (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

#3610078
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11625) - you deserved it (51451)

On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

#3608539
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38870) - you deserved it (8713)

On 07/09/2009 at 11:00am - misc - by TingBarter (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

#3607672
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7885) - you deserved it (53101)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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