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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

#8892224
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30112) - you deserved it (3361)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

#8892193
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28496) - you deserved it (3399)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by workinggirl (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

#8891983
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22980) - you deserved it (5432)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by ohshit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in I start to hear a noise and thinking it was the tram, decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like an evil giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn't the tram, but it was some creepy middle aged man taking photos of me. FML

#8891257
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28562) - you deserved it (2362)

On 03/07/2010 at 11:29am - misc - by tramrider - United Kingdom (Greater London)

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

#8890644
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13669) - you deserved it (23364)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20956) - you deserved it (39272)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

#8889347
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28321) - you deserved it (4441)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:08am - misc - by jess (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I found out how mature the guy I'm seeing is. After sex, he took the condom off and hit me in the face with it. FML

#8889344
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31078) - you deserved it (6492)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

#8887792
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40395) - you deserved it (2655)

On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I received a phone call from my father asking how I spelled my name. Not only was he the parent who picked out my name, he was completely serious. FML

#8886558
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (1956)

On 03/07/2010 at 3:18am - misc - by crimson28 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

#8886526
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7661) - you deserved it (26899)

On 03/07/2010 at 3:13am - intimacy - by laydeegaga -

Today, a drunk truck driver taught me a very valuable lesson: Never tie your shoelaces in the middle of a parking lot. FML

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

#8883543
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9337) - you deserved it (37345)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41am - health - by fatlady - United States (Pennsylvania)



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