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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

#5734528
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7445) - you deserved it (36321)

On 10/09/2009 at 1:48am - work - by y0uw1shy0ukn3wm3 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

#5733211
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39692) - you deserved it (3561)

On 10/09/2009 at 12:22am - love - by rhythmbandit (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

#5732047
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29857) - you deserved it (6073)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by StellaSanguina (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

#5731008
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36299) - you deserved it (3173)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Augh. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

#5730888
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39473) - you deserved it (3425)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by branwen5 - United States

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42099) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

#5721676
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75189) - you deserved it (5507)

On 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

#5721325
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38151) - you deserved it (3942)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm - love - by Rage (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9760) - you deserved it (30400)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

#5720905
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28634) - you deserved it (4854)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:13pm - work - by Dan (man) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

#5720583
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7824) - you deserved it (18769)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by OnlyMe (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

#5719624
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34727) - you deserved it (2446)

On 10/08/2009 at 9:31am - money - by wheatsnake (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

#5719271
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9095) - you deserved it (46268)

On 10/08/2009 at 8:22am - misc - by lumacsp - United States (Florida)



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