Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

#4404905
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37375) - you deserved it (3848)

On 08/09/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by itendstonight (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML

Today, as a joke, my friends and I decided to put me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend. I'm a guy. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim. FML

#4402387
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11868) - you deserved it (49676)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by twitch01 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13787) - you deserved it (50189)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33187) - you deserved it (13565)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

#4397930
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10327) - you deserved it (44282)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by broke_otaku (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

#4397401
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37183) - you deserved it (7245)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

#4394245
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65644) - you deserved it (2925)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by ouch (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51170) - you deserved it (11200)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

#4391923
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50238) - you deserved it (3069)

On 08/08/2009 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

#4391882
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42638) - you deserved it (7076)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:59pm - misc - by acorn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

#4390230
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41503) - you deserved it (10724)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

#4389792
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33191) - you deserved it (7916)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: