Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 9:51am / Canada (Quebec) / Money

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 9:38am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I found out that the woman I'm currently dating used to be a man. FML

by swindstorm / 12/06/2010 at 7:24am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by sending me a text. She was sitting right beside me on a 10 hour car trip, and there was still 6 more hours to go. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 5:37am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

by kenz / 12/06/2010 at 3:18am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

by FreakinthePink / 12/06/2010 at 2:20am / Intimacy

Today, my five year old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side so I decided to grab a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML

by Hunter / 12/06/2010 at 1:17am / Kids

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

by kermudgen / 12/06/2010 at 12:00am / United States / Work

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 12:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 1:25pm / Singapore / Health

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

by barista / 12/05/2010 at 12:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

by Username / 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

by Ed / 12/05/2010 at 8:53am / United States (California) / Kids