Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

#3507672
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50164) - you deserved it (2637)

On 07/05/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by Annabelle (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was fired from my volunteer job. Why? Because they said I was working so hard and doing such a good job that I was making the real staff look bad. FML

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

#3505255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36195) - you deserved it (19692)

On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

#3503647
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55593) - you deserved it (2963)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by squirt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

#3503607
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61345) - you deserved it (3383)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:46pm - love - by fd_uplife (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

#3503017
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47350) - you deserved it (4292)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

#3502786
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42435) - you deserved it (1870)

On 07/05/2009 at 11:58am - love - by curiousorange (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

#3502310
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10432) - you deserved it (47884)

On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - animals - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

#3500742
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38316) - you deserved it (2225)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

#3500030
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44047) - you deserved it (7324)

On 07/05/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by wetboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

stringoffail's comment : Meanwhile, somewhere else on FML. "Today I felt comfortable enough with my boyfriend to stay the night with him in spite of an embarrassing problem. I did it because he kept pressuring me. I wet his bed, and he was a real jerk about it. He even posted details about it on this site, as if I wouldn't bloody see it. FML"

See all the comments →

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42316) - you deserved it (2541)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

#3497280
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36342) - you deserved it (3180)

On 07/05/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Disgusted (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

#3496673
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71447) - you deserved it (3698)

On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: