Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

by greenchan / 02/25/2011 at 12:12am / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

by Gretchen / 02/24/2011 at 8:56pm / Kids

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

by verasam01 / 02/24/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

dudeitsdanny's comment : Play it cool: Be witty and calm about it. "Yeah, I stalk your Facebook, i even have it bookmarked so you're only a click away. It's a guilty pleasure, more pleasure than guilty." Use it as a chance to flirt, not just let him think you're creepy. Move his tag to a different spot on the picture(breasts, crotch, heart), and ask why he chose that, to tease him. Think on yo feet, woman! =) Use it to your advantage.

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Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 6:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

by OhDear / 02/24/2011 at 3:03pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Love

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

by Steve / 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

by Animal / 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:34am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 4:44am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 3:56am / United States (California) / Health

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

by Eric Forrest / 02/24/2011 at 3:27am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

by Annie / 02/24/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

flamegrilled123's comment : don't embarrass kids like that

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