Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

By BrianTheLion89 / Wednesday 6 June 2012 21:37 / United States

Today, I got into a fight with my mom, and stormed out of the house. I walked two blocks before realizing that I have no place to go, and no friends to vent to. FML

By edhere4u2nv - / Wednesday 6 June 2012 18:51 / United States - Ozone Park

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

By Anonymous / Wednesday 6 June 2012 18:21 / United States

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

By DuhSteven / Wednesday 6 June 2012 17:04 / Canada - Surrey

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

By Anonymous / Wednesday 6 June 2012 16:25 / United States - Bucyrus
By Rob - / Wednesday 6 June 2012 16:02 / United States - Neoga
By Bishop - / Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:19 /

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

By Anonymous / Wednesday 6 June 2012 12:55 / Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

By facepalm - / Wednesday 6 June 2012 08:06 / United States - Santa Rosa
By that girl. / Wednesday 6 June 2012 05:26 / United States
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