Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

#4203484
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8034) - you deserved it (52825)

On 08/01/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

#4203113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38284) - you deserved it (6339)

On 08/01/2009 at 7:58am - love - by Unclicked (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

#4201501
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59411) - you deserved it (9523)

On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)

blackcatbook's comment : ... What the fuck? How would that even happen? Are you just wearing really tiny underwear?

See all the comments →

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66868) - you deserved it (15312)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

#4200771
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39534) - you deserved it (7247)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:23am - intimacy - by Glassjaw (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

#4199907
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38068) - you deserved it (5503)

On 08/01/2009 at 2:35am - kids - by jcesom (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

#4196773
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55118) - you deserved it (2946)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:32am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

#4196733
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56247) - you deserved it (2345)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

#4193534
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41252) - you deserved it (3098)

On 07/31/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by passedoutpolly (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

#4192462
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62886) - you deserved it (4005)

On 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm - work - by mandy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

#4191218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54467) - you deserved it (11004)

On 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42309) - you deserved it (8565)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

#4186568
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14079) - you deserved it (64113)

On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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