Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

by Username / 11/22/2010 at 5:39pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

by anti-peecleaner / 11/22/2010 at 5:35pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 5:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

by linda / 11/22/2010 at 4:14pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 2:52pm / United States / Love

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

by painfulintercourse / 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

by unexpected_failure / 11/22/2010 at 1:35pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Miscellaneous

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 11:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I helped two people find the central station on my way home. As a thank you, they mugged me and stole my wallet and iPod Touch. FML

by americanized / 11/22/2010 at 10:25am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Miscellaneous

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML

by dumbteacher / 11/22/2010 at 9:47am / Miscellaneous

greeneyedgoalie7's comment : I think she may be mocking you

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Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

by shopper242 / 11/22/2010 at 7:29am / France / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

by can't breathe / 11/22/2010 at 6:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 2:32am / Australia (Queensland) / Work