Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

by augh / 12/10/2010 at 3:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

by eyeleanify / 12/10/2010 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

by rob / 12/10/2010 at 2:29am / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

by Mak10 / 12/10/2010 at 1:53am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

by fmlguy / 12/09/2010 at 10:19pm / Money

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:23pm / United States / Health

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

by kayin / 12/09/2010 at 8:59pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 2:58pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Love

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

by katybaby / 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was working on a 12-page report. After 5 hours on it, I go over to YouTube to change background music. My boss decides to pick this time to walk by, look at my screen, and grunt "hard at work, huh?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:50am / Egypt (Al Jizah) / Work