Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML

By Anon127 - / Tuesday 12 June 2012 02:40 / United States - Taunton

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

By beautyschool22 - / Monday 11 June 2012 23:39 / United States
By amidreaming?? - / Monday 11 June 2012 21:45 / United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

By Ciara - / Monday 11 June 2012 20:44 / Ireland - Cork
By Anonymous - / Monday 11 June 2012 20:30 / United States
By bronieswillrule5eva - / Monday 11 June 2012 18:16 / Canada - Summerside

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

By Anonymous / Monday 11 June 2012 12:42 / United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

By ugly - / Monday 11 June 2012 12:01 / Australia

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

By Anonymous / Monday 11 June 2012 11:18 / United States
By ILoveAnimals - / Monday 11 June 2012 07:14 / Austria - Vienna
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