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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

#3737947
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44174) - you deserved it (16161)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by pkstarstorm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

#3731184
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38295) - you deserved it (7758)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML

#3730573
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11909) - you deserved it (41450)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:39pm - misc - by CompleteWithPictures (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

#3730184
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44610) - you deserved it (13013)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

#3729868
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42473) - you deserved it (27290)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:16pm - money - by Homeless (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

#3729416
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51014) - you deserved it (5992)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm - work - by Nick (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

#3723567
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8018) - you deserved it (58719)

On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML

#3723359
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54120) - you deserved it (9370)

On 07/13/2009 at 6:09pm - love - by sykotoaster (man) - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

#3722390
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39897) - you deserved it (2413)

On 07/13/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by jennybrev (woman) - United States

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

#3720470
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56253) - you deserved it (29358)

On 07/13/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by JackOLantern (man) - Satellite Provider

netfreak's comment : I'm confused. Were you two at least going out?

See all the comments →

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

#3718923
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8916) - you deserved it (40841)

On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

#3718227
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45613) - you deserved it (18604)

On 07/13/2009 at 2:33pm - misc - by Solemnwishing (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

#3715580
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44502) - you deserved it (2270)

On 07/13/2009 at 12:21pm - animals - by notwasted39 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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