Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

by clumsy / 01/04/2011 at 10:47am / Health

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 9:49am / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

by LoveMyNewBro / 01/04/2011 at 5:56am / Intimacy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 4:01am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 2:30am / United States / Animals

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 11:19pm / United States / Love

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

by erlad678 / 01/03/2011 at 9:59pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

by cain001 / 01/03/2011 at 7:56pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

by anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 2:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

by jenabp / 01/03/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids