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Man or woman?

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

#5034499
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45188) - you deserved it (5117)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

#5033562
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53149) - you deserved it (3021)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:31am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

#5033555
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14329) - you deserved it (42029)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:30am - work - by DrGas (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

#5031923
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6049) - you deserved it (38728)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

#5030993
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38669) - you deserved it (7033)

On 09/03/2009 at 10:47pm - love - by strikeout (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

#5029285
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47360) - you deserved it (2770)

On 09/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Wow (man) - United States

Today, I was following my dad while texting, not really watching where we're going. Suddenly, he ran ahead and I looked up to see what he was doing. We were in the men's bathroom. There were 3 guys at the urinals. I'm a 15 year old girl. FML

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

#5023089
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13606) - you deserved it (55244)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:59pm - misc - by Co-B (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

#5022453
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25409) - you deserved it (37613)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14903) - you deserved it (64627)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

#5021178
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56192) - you deserved it (21740)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

#5021143
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9538) - you deserved it (45376)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by creeper - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

#5020137
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48462) - you deserved it (4746)

On 09/03/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by LosTits (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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