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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

#6378987
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7435) - you deserved it (30328)

On 11/20/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by hopefulanonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12360) - you deserved it (35868)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

#6378888
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43813) - you deserved it (6955)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

#6378633
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8499) - you deserved it (17316)

On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

#6378315
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8940) - you deserved it (34782)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

#6377589
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7757) - you deserved it (15289)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:36am - misc - by starstruck (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

#6377568
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27875) - you deserved it (2775)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:30am - love - by ApparentlyIFail (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17362) - you deserved it (4948)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

#6377384
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28498) - you deserved it (3476)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42489) - you deserved it (6910)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

#6377275
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7921) - you deserved it (38628)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

#6374426
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24184) - you deserved it (1920)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

#6373189
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23655) - you deserved it (5422)

On 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm - health - by Mondo (man) - United States (California)



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