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Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

#5981900
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26434) - you deserved it (9686)

On 10/24/2009 at 10:14pm - animals - by RC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

#5980515
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9172) - you deserved it (30880)

On 10/24/2009 at 8:41pm - work - by Clutz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

#5978415
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34029) - you deserved it (13766)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

#5977598
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18697) - you deserved it (2359)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by this_is_fucked (woman) - Zimbabwe (Mashonaland East)

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30243) - you deserved it (3054)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

#5975036
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34520) - you deserved it (6486)

On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33900) - you deserved it (8864)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

blland's comment : One golden scene for Romeo and Juliet should have had. Enter Capulet. "Wherefore art thou in my bathroom? Cannot thee afford thy own?"

See all the comments →

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

#5974097
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26915) - you deserved it (2796)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by sexyswollen (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

#5973387
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40084) - you deserved it (8105)

On 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by meg265 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

#5972663
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26823) - you deserved it (6826)

On 10/24/2009 at 10:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went to McDonalds to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

#5972550
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31311) - you deserved it (8796)

On 10/24/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by HungryGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

#5971935
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40396) - you deserved it (6016)

On 10/24/2009 at 9:14am - love - by Oops (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

#5971650
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33630) - you deserved it (5420)

On 10/24/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom (London)



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