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Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

#2983603
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43476) - you deserved it (5581)

On 06/18/2009 at 12:52am - love - by savvylady (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

#2980433
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (14749)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:40pm - love - by fcnk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

#2976361
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36703) - you deserved it (3195)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Pancakegirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

#2975022
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49327) - you deserved it (4180)

On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

#2973939
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9099) - you deserved it (57758)

On 06/17/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by emix (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

#2968548
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14164) - you deserved it (33760)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Longhorn2011 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

#2968002
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33076) - you deserved it (11260)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

#2966896
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26880) - you deserved it (62969)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

#2966827
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36664) - you deserved it (4742)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I got into a heated argument at a restaurant with a guy I am seeing because he refused to let me pay for the bill and I thought it was sexist. When he finally agreed, I gave the waiter my card, only to have him return a minute later telling me it was declined. FML

#2965217
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (67462)

On 06/17/2009 at 11:25am - money - by feminist (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44223) - you deserved it (19227)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

#2963947
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25863) - you deserved it (5677)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:12am - health - by Broken (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

#2963863
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42080) - you deserved it (7221)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:06am - love - by yashmoshin1 (man) - United States



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