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Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

#7170495
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24571) - you deserved it (3939)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm - work - by Mark (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

#7169187
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30078) - you deserved it (3717)

On 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

#7167765
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27191) - you deserved it (2204)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm - money - by Arsinoe (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

#7165792
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37554) - you deserved it (13257)

On 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm - love - by leigh2812 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

#7164896
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21184) - you deserved it (11460)

On 01/05/2010 at 3:24pm - love - by katiekat (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

#7164815
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7996) - you deserved it (33375)

On 01/05/2010 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

#7163475
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24033) - you deserved it (6224)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:58pm - misc - by SplashOuch (woman) - United States

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

#7163163
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6160) - you deserved it (72922)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:28pm - money - by handi-crap (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a phone call from the local utilities company, telling me in essence: "We regret to inform you that your meter was switched, and we have been billing you for an unoccupied unit for the past 15 months. You owe us $1123.28. We apologize for any inconvenience." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22387) - you deserved it (3430)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14091) - you deserved it (30277)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

#7160952
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27947) - you deserved it (4795)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - India (Madhya Pradesh)

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

#7160237
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40097) - you deserved it (3783)

On 01/05/2010 at 5:45am - love - by Chewy (man) - United Kingdom (Belfast)



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