Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

#5389483
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50806) - you deserved it (2768)

On 09/21/2009 at 5:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

#5387856
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10132) - you deserved it (100463)

On 09/21/2009 at 2:06am - love - by FreeOfCharge (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

#5387422
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33345) - you deserved it (3172)

On 09/21/2009 at 1:31am - misc - by issy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

#5386120
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42839) - you deserved it (5306)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:16am - love - by Imaginary girlfriend - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

#5385997
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32830) - you deserved it (1912)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by THATguy (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

#5385782
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23905) - you deserved it (40983)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:02am - love - by anonymouss (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

#5383572
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7783) - you deserved it (56562)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by newlydumped (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

Today, I was working drive thru and took a huge order. When the people pulled around to the window, they handed me a stack of coupons. None of the coupons were even related to what they ordered. They made me change their order to fit the coupons because they couldn't read. FML

#5380714
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38307) - you deserved it (2569)

On 09/20/2009 at 8:38pm - work - by MEW (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

#5378920
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (3450)

On 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anathema_360 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

#5375758
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52809) - you deserved it (8843)

On 09/20/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by LovesHisHand (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

#5373762
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32328) - you deserved it (4265)

On 09/20/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

#5369923
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36543) - you deserved it (1950)

On 09/20/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by PoorCar (man) - United States (Washington)



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