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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

#5422462
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15678) - you deserved it (30220)

On 09/23/2009 at 1:55am - animals - by GreatAim - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

#5421005
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28101) - you deserved it (5679)

On 09/22/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (7515)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

#5419647
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37884) - you deserved it (2233)

On 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

#5419115
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37702) - you deserved it (2692)

On 09/22/2009 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60838) - you deserved it (5295)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

katamaridamacy's comment : I would kill your housemate and serve him at your sister's wedding.

See all the comments →

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the 2 carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

#5414131
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54061) - you deserved it (9712)

On 09/22/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by sadguy (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

#5413899
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37633) - you deserved it (3565)

On 09/22/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by bellaellaella (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went into work. After three years of working 55 hours a week they fire me by putting the contents of my locker at the front door that said "if not picked up by 10:00 am stuff will be donated." I work the night shift. I just lost three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, $60 and my job. FML

#5413535
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39109) - you deserved it (2260)

On 09/22/2009 at 1:08pm - work - by unemployed (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

#5413362
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39240) - you deserved it (5499)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

#5412403
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9823) - you deserved it (47613)

On 09/22/2009 at 10:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the dentist. I parked my car in what I thought was the dentist's car park. It was actually the car park for the business next door. I had to watch them clamp my car from the dentist's chair. FML

#5411274
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27561) - you deserved it (6161)

On 09/22/2009 at 7:20am - misc - by ohdamn (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

#5410681
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34048) - you deserved it (4983)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:36am - misc - by kimmybr (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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