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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

#7492284
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9933) - you deserved it (22130)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Toldyouso (man) - United States (Nevada)

Boddmon's comment : Why would your girlfriend knock on her own door? You're an idiot for not realizing it would be someone else.

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Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

#7490681
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26157) - you deserved it (5252)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Parental (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69692) - you deserved it (4516)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

#7486334
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10481) - you deserved it (26324)

On 01/21/2010 at 9:49pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10936) - you deserved it (107262)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)

el_erico's comment : That is a completely rational reason to break up with someone. I would probably have stabbed you in the neck by then.

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Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53379) - you deserved it (4230)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

#7481282
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36390) - you deserved it (2435)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:14pm - love - by walkingonsunshine - Sent from mobile version

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

#7478181
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24586) - you deserved it (4619)

On 01/21/2010 at 5:17pm - misc - by diorlove - Sent from mobile version

Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML

#7477934
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25916) - you deserved it (5352)

On 01/21/2010 at 5:02pm - love - by charlieweaver21 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

#7477467
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28264) - you deserved it (3067)

On 01/21/2010 at 4:40pm - kids - by nocatlover (man) - United States

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

#7475893
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25735) - you deserved it (7071)

On 01/21/2010 at 3:20pm - health - by imalwaystired - Sent from mobile version

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself and it came down too. FML

#7475785
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6542) - you deserved it (31428)

On 01/21/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by jalapeno_popper (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

#7471357
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13887) - you deserved it (28153)

On 01/21/2010 at 9:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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