Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

#7589871
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26664) - you deserved it (8205)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside. Because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

#7589766
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25776) - you deserved it (1964)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:44pm - work - by dripdripdrop (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

#7588256
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12402) - you deserved it (26280)

On 01/26/2010 at 11:13am - work - by Kylie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

#7587300
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5849) - you deserved it (51814)

On 01/26/2010 at 9:39am - misc - by Fonz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my Muay Thai class. We were doing a combination which consisted of a low kick, body kick and head kick. My partner had already done the low kick so I held the pads for the body kick. He kicked me straight in the jaw. I'm a teenage girl and he's a fully grown man. FML

#7586565
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33348) - you deserved it (3533)

On 01/26/2010 at 7:55am - health - by anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

#7586037
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28305) - you deserved it (13373)

On 01/26/2010 at 6:30am - love - by OTZ - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

#7585326
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9052) - you deserved it (25415)

On 01/26/2010 at 3:59am - intimacy - by sexyfail (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

#7584651
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53534) - you deserved it (2756)

On 01/26/2010 at 2:35am - love - by Junior (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

#7584201
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26248) - you deserved it (2446)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - love - by nubbins (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

#7584154
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20163) - you deserved it (9147)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

#7583250
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39862) - you deserved it (12561)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:05am - love - by Eagle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

#7582501
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26467) - you deserved it (3693)

On 01/26/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: