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Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

#4996665
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45541) - you deserved it (2637)

On 09/02/2009 at 10:47am - love - by BDayssuck (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

#4995727
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39891) - you deserved it (12273)

On 09/02/2009 at 9:01am - work - by elevatorjerk - United States

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

#4995103
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14349) - you deserved it (42079)

On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

#4995016
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35136) - you deserved it (2606)

On 09/02/2009 at 7:00am - misc - by someone - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

#4994613
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47206) - you deserved it (9271)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:45am - health - by broken (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

#4994596
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10976) - you deserved it (45283)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

#4994498
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13815) - you deserved it (64320)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

#4994494
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26408) - you deserved it (3604)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

#4994251
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18757) - you deserved it (7686)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:41am - intimacy - by Mdrk783 (man) - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22575) - you deserved it (3483)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42570) - you deserved it (3399)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22622) - you deserved it (6197)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

#4990869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38049) - you deserved it (5527)

On 09/02/2009 at 12:29am - work - by Joel (man) - United States (California)



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