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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought that I had finally sold the car I've been trying to sell for two years. I had the money in my hand and had given over the title. As the "new" owner went to drive it away, the car wouldn't start. I had to give the money back. FML

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

#5544276
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30646) - you deserved it (5764)

On 09/29/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by User06606 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

#5543779
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31428) - you deserved it (4816)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by arghh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

#5543214
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8799) - you deserved it (65929)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

#5542217
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15088) - you deserved it (35060)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

#5541455
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38289) - you deserved it (4791)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

#5541387
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27658) - you deserved it (5309)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

#5541044
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65724) - you deserved it (2688)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

BritishHobo's comment : SHIT.

See all the comments →

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

#5539236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32099) - you deserved it (3434)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

#5539154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32961) - you deserved it (2812)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:57pm - work - by justfired (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML

#5539052
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39967) - you deserved it (3735)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:53pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

#5537780
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35275) - you deserved it (1986)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by shield1123 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML

#5530738
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40377) - you deserved it (8085)

On 09/28/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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