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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

#7063669
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25418) - you deserved it (5175)

On 12/31/2009 at 7:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

#7060819
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30369) - you deserved it (4552)

On 12/31/2009 at 4:47pm - love - by Unloving (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

#7059755
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24142) - you deserved it (7803)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:52pm - money - by Busted (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

#7059140
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20935) - you deserved it (8613)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39849) - you deserved it (18354)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

#7056556
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35185) - you deserved it (3432)

On 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by lifesux (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

#7056009
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29321) - you deserved it (2706)

On 12/31/2009 at 11:52am - misc - by MorganRox26 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

#7053849
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21875) - you deserved it (4617)

On 12/31/2009 at 8:28am - animals - by brokenrainbow. (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

#7053396
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9417) - you deserved it (28556)

On 12/31/2009 at 6:47am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

#7052251
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7768) - you deserved it (36931)

On 12/31/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by ParanoidFreak (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8548) - you deserved it (58621)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

AGGoddess's comment : Did anyone else provide backup vocals?

See all the comments →

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

#7050852
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34526) - you deserved it (5140)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:01am - love - by 12345678 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

#7050421
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25369) - you deserved it (10150)

On 12/31/2009 at 2:39am - kids - by Missyangel (woman) - United States (Florida)



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