Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

by RedFace / 04/05/2011 at 10:06am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

by stairmaster / 04/05/2011 at 3:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML

by oww / 04/05/2011 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

by randa / 04/05/2011 at 3:30am / Work

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

by 4themoneh / 04/05/2011 at 1:10am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

by Bailey / 04/05/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

by patch91 / 04/04/2011 at 10:03pm / Work

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the 'dead' man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 8:17pm / Ireland (Cavan) / Health

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

by lynn777 / 04/04/2011 at 4:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

by DaisyMay / 04/04/2011 at 3:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

by Abyssal / 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

by Username / 04/04/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

by BrisbaneCoop / 04/04/2011 at 1:13pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous