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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

#5082390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44139) - you deserved it (2151)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59131) - you deserved it (8772)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

#5081613
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32866) - you deserved it (5034)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm - misc - by asdfjkl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44984) - you deserved it (3498)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

#5079880
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35157) - you deserved it (6185)

On 09/06/2009 at 11:04am - love - by beccaj_ilh (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

#5079385
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33969) - you deserved it (5496)

On 09/06/2009 at 10:21am - work - by boohoo (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

#5076564
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42561) - you deserved it (3629)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by Forgotten (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

#5076541
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41453) - you deserved it (7113)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

#5074855
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45998) - you deserved it (13122)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Porkchop05 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10882) - you deserved it (32230)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

#5072943
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43027) - you deserved it (5307)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by shoelace18 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

#5072938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47295) - you deserved it (4284)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - love - by Nofatforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

#5072563
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38328) - you deserved it (2908)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)



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