Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I decided to brush my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue I went too far which made me throw up. I was 20 min late for my work. Good start. FML

#10962219
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12849) - you deserved it (26403)

On 06/04/2010 at 5:28am - work - by Sergie - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

#10959899
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12528) - you deserved it (33256)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36am - work - by firecrotch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

#10945520
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46560) - you deserved it (25160)

On 06/03/2010 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Allie - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

#10942679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32522) - you deserved it (2462)

On 06/03/2010 at 11:45am - work - by Greg - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

#10940530
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31850) - you deserved it (6560)

On 06/03/2010 at 8:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

#10939026
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20487) - you deserved it (39825)

On 06/03/2010 at 4:54am - intimacy - by elevenharries (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

#10938636
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8399) - you deserved it (34399)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:55am - health - by Aiaiii (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

#10938544
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33171) - you deserved it (3762)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:44am - animals - by Kate - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend finally called me after a week of barely any communication. He wanted to talk to my brother about Call of Duty. FML

#10935757
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30912) - you deserved it (5140)

On 06/03/2010 at 12:47am - love - by sincerely - United States (California)

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

#10930863
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9364) - you deserved it (30245)

On 06/02/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by Kbizz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

#10925593
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (2413)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:15pm - money - by dogshavenipples (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

#10925224
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37889) - you deserved it (4877)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by GrandmaShakers (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (29169)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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