Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (85212) - you deserved it (3575)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12287) - you deserved it (55903)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45746) - you deserved it (5518)
On 03/27/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Spawn_of_Satan (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48787) - you deserved it (8853)
On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (81017) - you deserved it (4489)
On 03/27/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by tehhotness (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16594) - you deserved it (67855)
On 03/27/2009 at 9:05am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Austria (Vorarlberg)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79866) - you deserved it (6693)
On 03/27/2009 at 1:12am - love - by w00tz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57598) - you deserved it (3880)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11979) - you deserved it (142359)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (5317)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Lena (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55361) - you deserved it (12963)
On 03/26/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by lauren555 - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137554) - you deserved it (24608)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101236) - you deserved it (6481)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:38pm - love - by bride (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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↑ dk2008's comment : What did he say? "I was trying to think of something to put in your mouth to stop the snoring, and all I could think of was my penis."
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