Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML
by Heartbroken / 06/19/2011 at 10:17pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML
by stillAvirgin:( / 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
YacL's comment : What the hell? What have you done recently to put her under the impression that you're a prostitute? Other than this, because this doesn't seem like a good enough excuse.
by youngblood / 06/19/2011 at 9:20pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML
by no one / 06/19/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health
by Username / 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
godmax1's comment : MAN THE FUCK UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. ( anger ended ) throw her shit in the fire and then when your friend drives you home pop him in the face when you reach your house.
Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
by screwedwoman27 / 06/19/2011 at 2:03pm / United States / Kids
Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML
by sabadaba / 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
InsertGirder's comment : She deserved it, someway...
by Username / 06/19/2011 at 5:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by loser / 06/19/2011 at 4:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by notastoner / 06/19/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Washington) / Health
by fattymcbutterpants / 06/19/2011 at 1:19am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 06/19/2011 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 9:11pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…