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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

#10983443
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38058) - you deserved it (3346)

On 06/05/2010 at 6:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

#10981673
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42318) - you deserved it (3904)

On 06/05/2010 at 2:59am - misc - by someoneelsessaliva (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

#10975690
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68789) - you deserved it (8418)

On 06/04/2010 at 10:03pm - love - by weirdesout - United States (Texas)

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

#10974262
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32699) - you deserved it (24017)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by xricardo - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

#10973475
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (4590)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by morgan_love11 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

#10973350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18147) - you deserved it (33018)

On 06/04/2010 at 7:58pm - misc - by H05T1L3 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

#10966986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27779) - you deserved it (3611)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36pm - work - by single and not mingling - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

#10962269
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36505) - you deserved it (14351)

On 06/04/2010 at 5:38am - love - by badsinger (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I decided to brush my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue I went too far which made me throw up. I was 20 min late for my work. Good start. FML

#10962219
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12850) - you deserved it (26405)

On 06/04/2010 at 5:28am - work - by Sergie - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

#10959899
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12528) - you deserved it (33256)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36am - work - by firecrotch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

#10945520
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46560) - you deserved it (25160)

On 06/03/2010 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Allie - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

#10942679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (2462)

On 06/03/2010 at 11:45am - work - by Greg - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

#10940530
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31850) - you deserved it (6560)

On 06/03/2010 at 8:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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