Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 7:09am / Love

spazticechidna's comment : Good for him for being able to stay in better relationships then you.

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Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 3:54am / Health

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 2:17am / Work

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 12:41am / Animals

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

by anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:20pm / Health

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

by TheNerd / 05/11/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (California) / Love

PSQ91's comment : You just fell for her.

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Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

by pigeons_suck / 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

by jamalinho / 05/11/2011 at 1:51pm / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Work

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Animals

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:32pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

kamikrazy's comment : Who doesn't love tic-tacs?

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Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

by NotChadKrouger / 05/11/2011 at 11:19am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:10am / Australia / Health