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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

#7450891
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27498) - you deserved it (5784)

On 01/20/2010 at 1:17am - intimacy - by ilovesocks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a piece of rice in my belly button. I can't remember the last time I ate or handled rice. FML

#7450166
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7419) - you deserved it (32148)

On 01/20/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by kerry (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

#7450090
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5540) - you deserved it (78351)

On 01/20/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by embareassed (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

#7449999
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (12595)

On 01/20/2010 at 12:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML

#7449785
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27153) - you deserved it (3205)

On 01/20/2010 at 12:09am - love - by mysterygurll1234567 (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML

#7448210
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37048) - you deserved it (13123)

On 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm - misc - by NYCguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

#7447854
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11404) - you deserved it (21600)

On 01/19/2010 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sportyhusband (woman) - United States (Oregon)

tyrob911's comment : why do women complain when men masturbate? that's what men do when yall don't step up to the mic. or would you rather he cheat on you with another lady? ydi for not rocking the mic right

See all the comments →

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

#7445889
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28965) - you deserved it (1969)

On 01/19/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

#7442500
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8530) - you deserved it (27169)

On 01/19/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by maximus (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

#7442333
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36358) - you deserved it (7649)

On 01/19/2010 at 7:03pm - misc - by snorlax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

#7441309
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18511) - you deserved it (5546)

On 01/19/2010 at 6:18pm - intimacy - by kappaomicron (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

#7437727
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12060) - you deserved it (27799)

On 01/19/2010 at 2:38pm - misc - by haus (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

#7437531
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23700) - you deserved it (2501)

On 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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