Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
by craphanded / 07/19/2011 at 1:45pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Animals
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
by PissNTra / 07/19/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by freakfreak12345 / 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Maine) / Animals
Mi24hind's comment : YDI for peeing on the hornets. what did they do to you?
by Bill Harrison / 07/19/2011 at 11:19am / United States / Work
CrAzYyEt's comment : lol that sounds like fun!
Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML
by Miriden / 07/19/2011 at 10:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 7:04am / Australia / Intimacy
fish1806's comment : what a jerk!!
by ken / 07/19/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML
by MAWZ / 07/19/2011 at 2:33am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML
by hatemylife / 07/19/2011 at 2:24am / United States (New York) / Kids
by KidCudi227 / 07/19/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by nataliepaige / 07/19/2011 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
by tLee / 07/19/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by RobinBunny713 / 07/18/2011 at 11:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy