Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by sosadstudent / 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Andrew / 04/20/2011 at 12:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Wheredidgrungego's comment : She just didn't want the baby to be poked by your cock.
by Sivvus / 04/20/2011 at 12:13pm / Reserved / Transportation
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
by ShakeRattleHiss / 04/20/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I went shopping for a nice outfit to wear for a job interview. A fake job interview. One that I just made up so my mother would get off my case about finding a job. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that I can't get a job, or that my mother actually believed me about the interview. FML
Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML
by JenniWearsPrada / 04/20/2011 at 4:27am / Miscellaneous
SayItNicely's comment : Did you get it?
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Stupid / 04/19/2011 at 10:29pm / United States / Work
mikejunior88's comment : throw them in the trash. don't worry they will escape and find a new kid.