Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21610) - you deserved it (54901)
On 03/26/2009 at 11:42am - kids - by CaoNiMa (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52841) - you deserved it (8758)
On 03/26/2009 at 10:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66711) - you deserved it (9750)
On 03/26/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (162390) - you deserved it (22107)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75892) - you deserved it (14177)
On 03/26/2009 at 4:37am - intimacy - by crap (man) - Thailand (Krung Thep)
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27228) - you deserved it (96446)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53195) - you deserved it (417542)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66462) - you deserved it (4473)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111529) - you deserved it (8585)
On 03/26/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by lollipopp56 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8259) - you deserved it (84640)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53819) - you deserved it (3624)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:06am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12671) - you deserved it (56188)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got home to find my mom sitting in the kitchen reading the mail. I saw an empty bottle of Absolut peach vodka on the counter. Surprised, I picked it up and said " wow, who drinks this?". Her reply was "Why don't you tell me, i found it in your room." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10022) - you deserved it (56155)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
↑ lovely_189's comment : damn, you're an asshole love you long time! XD
See all the comments →