Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

by mwja / 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm / Health

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

by BackToRehab / 02/26/2011 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

by bitchyskier / 02/26/2011 at 4:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

WeeWizeL's comment : So, what's all the buzz about?

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Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

by welcometothefamily / 02/26/2011 at 9:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

by Carmen / 02/26/2011 at 8:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

by horriblegf / 02/26/2011 at 7:18am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. FML

by hopeless / 02/26/2011 at 1:49am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

by Franigirl / 02/26/2011 at 12:34am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML

by gumpy / 02/25/2011 at 3:37pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

by Ldp56 / 02/25/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

by unwantedlove / 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm / France / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy