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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML

#6660258
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11389) - you deserved it (21632)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:53am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML

#6659884
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11034) - you deserved it (29061)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:26am - animals - by damncat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

#6658784
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32027) - you deserved it (1977)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

#6658638
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9445) - you deserved it (35641)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:09am - love - by CheLi (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19513) - you deserved it (4947)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

#6655423
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8689) - you deserved it (25078)

On 12/07/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by skating101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

#6655081
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8220) - you deserved it (34774)

On 12/07/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by Alison (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

#6652646
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28791) - you deserved it (8171)

On 12/07/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Postdotfuzz (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

#6652180
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6612) - you deserved it (30774)

On 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm - health - by Van (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

#6651992
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23312) - you deserved it (5144)

On 12/07/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I signed up for a psych experiment. I was a damsel in distress on the side of the highway, but no one stopped. Back at the lab, another participant said a half dozen people helped her. The professor was testing how attractiveness effects altruism. I was the unattractive subject. FML

#6651455
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34370) - you deserved it (3167)

On 12/07/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

#6650801
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23742) - you deserved it (4426)

On 12/07/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by sexyyy (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

#6650793
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30431) - you deserved it (4192)

On 12/07/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by Dejected (woman) - United States (California)



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