Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

by Parade / 02/28/2011 at 1:00am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 12:44am / Intimacy

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

by jack / 02/28/2011 at 12:43am / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 10:23pm / Money

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

by shirley / 02/27/2011 at 9:20pm / Spain / Health

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

by Nuttjacob / 02/27/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

by Stormy / 02/27/2011 at 4:46pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

by Sam / 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

by Shamu / 02/27/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cycled 30 minutes through hail and rain to get my pregnant girlfriend the crisps she was craving. When I made it back, she didn't want them anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 12:41pm / Ireland / Love

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

by awkward / 02/27/2011 at 7:39am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

by hurley / 02/27/2011 at 5:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous