Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

by jab43 / 07/22/2011 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

throwglitter1's comment : love spuds? bahaha :)

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Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

by zerom / 07/22/2011 at 8:52pm / France / Money

Today, I went to see a movie I'd been waiting months for. A couple of women sat down a few rows in front of me with five infants. The infants cried and wailed throughout. I'm not sure I have any idea what was actually said in any of the dialogue. FML

by AceGeek / 07/22/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

lalala2589's comment : I will never understand why people think it's a good idea to bring a baby into the movies.

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Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

by coffee girl / 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

by Roode / 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

kwchambers92's comment : imagine explaining that one. awkward

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Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

by quickfingers100 / 07/22/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

by TKDConnor92 / 07/22/2011 at 6:51am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Kids

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML

by James / 07/22/2011 at 1:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

by dontfencemein / 07/22/2011 at 12:25am / United States / Money

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

by bridetobe / 07/22/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

by MailMaster / 07/22/2011 at 12:20am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

by oliverP123 / 07/22/2011 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous