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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11963) - you deserved it (40737)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18674) - you deserved it (43471)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got my son's phone bill (the phone I got him to call us from college). I found out he's been calling a phone sex hotline everyday. He hasn't called us once. FML

#9796070
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39011) - you deserved it (8222)

On 04/11/2010 at 2:34am - intimacy - by dannytriplet - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

#9770202
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (6739)

On 04/10/2010 at 1:00am - money - by lance - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

#9721953
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25410) - you deserved it (56412)

On 04/08/2010 at 12:27am - kids - by bleredoshia (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

#9697078
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33373) - you deserved it (2416)

On 04/07/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by A. Person - Mexico (Sonora)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

#9695428
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66561) - you deserved it (6661)

On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

#9672080
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30112) - you deserved it (5290)

On 04/06/2010 at 3:10am - intimacy - by BluBaller (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML

#9647002
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41566) - you deserved it (3525)

On 04/05/2010 at 6:14am - misc - by blah. - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

#9645798
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33466) - you deserved it (9454)

On 04/05/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by FASHlONABLE - United States (California)

wrigglezeus's comment : legend lol

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Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

#9643258
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43196) - you deserved it (7793)

On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

#9586084
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29605) - you deserved it (9423)

On 04/02/2010 at 8:31pm - animals - by BigBangrocksthenight (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

#9572677
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23190) - you deserved it (8957)

On 04/02/2010 at 7:33am - misc - by Gina - Thailand (Krung Thep)



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