Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

by Liz / 06/09/2011 at 12:21am / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

nananabatmannnn's comment : Prepared to act offended? That's why no one likes you. Playing hard to get is for middle schoolers. And wear sunscreen unless you want to look like leather chaps by the time you're thirty.

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Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

by grant b / 06/09/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Work

visiON123's comment : Isn't that's how everyone is paid in Texas?

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Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

abceasyas123abc's comment : All for one and one for all..?!

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Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

by DrugDeal / 06/08/2011 at 9:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

by misc / 06/08/2011 at 1:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Holidays

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML

by cheersdaddy / 06/08/2011 at 10:51am / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

by iloveyoutoomom / 06/08/2011 at 9:03am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Work

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 7:22am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

by anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

by kimboslice106 / 06/08/2011 at 1:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Money