Today, one of my students corrected the problem I had solved on the board, explaining that you do multiplication before subtraction. I teach the second grade. FML

by gutav indogop / 06/24/2011 at 2:47am / Switzerland (Aargau) / Work

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

by Leah / 06/24/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Work

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

by Sam / 06/24/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

OcampoFTW's comment : hulk no want diet

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Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

by Ali (New York) / 06/23/2011 at 11:01pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML

by gypsy / 06/23/2011 at 10:00pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

by CallMeJesusFreak / 06/23/2011 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Health

ooitastic's comment : sounds like a great school!

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Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

by Monroe / 06/23/2011 at 6:30pm / United States / Kids

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

by sadcapri96 / 06/23/2011 at 5:40pm / United States (Delaware) / Money

ChickenInMyKitch's comment : and that's all you care about....? wow....

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Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

by run4fun / 06/23/2011 at 2:56pm / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

by hatemyjob / 06/23/2011 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

by Katie / 06/23/2011 at 12:39pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

by anonymous / 06/23/2011 at 10:19am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

by alo1434 / 06/23/2011 at 4:54am / United States (Illinois) / Money