Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111749) - you deserved it (8386)
On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14861) - you deserved it (42914)
On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13237) - you deserved it (49366)
On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - work - by ex-employee (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56850) - you deserved it (2069)
On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML
I agree, your life sucks (52231) - you deserved it (4345)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by nhanley1 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20378) - you deserved it (38396)
On 04/02/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML
I agree, your life sucks (58069) - you deserved it (5645)
On 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19500) - you deserved it (83734)
On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)
Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8670) - you deserved it (92720)
On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51781) - you deserved it (22411)
On 04/02/2009 at 6:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, it was my second day of work as a promoter for a glasses company. After 2 hours of work I was told I had quadrupled sales in their glasses shop. Feeling chuffed with myself I almost danced out of the shop knocking over a huge shelf full of glasses. The glasses will cost over £1,400 to replace. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15093) - you deserved it (38075)
On 04/02/2009 at 4:19am - money - by dannyboy (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)
Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML
I agree, your life sucks (58159) - you deserved it (2389)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)
Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (60020) - you deserved it (5431)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by SupaSu - Canada (British Columbia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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