Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

by cantgetup / 04/03/2011 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

by worthless / 04/02/2011 at 8:51pm / United States / Love

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2011 at 5:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

by lovely321 / 04/02/2011 at 3:46pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

by Jon / 04/02/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

by Viciousvixen_21 / 04/02/2011 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

by Toothy / 04/02/2011 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

by Groped / 04/01/2011 at 8:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

by guest / 04/01/2011 at 5:33pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

by poopybed / 04/01/2011 at 5:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

by Natalie / 04/01/2011 at 2:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

by Username / 04/01/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. We're currently sharing a room on a cruise ship. FML

by gRRRrr / 04/01/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love