Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2011 at 4:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML

by vampire / 06/16/2011 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous

L3Paparazzo's comment : its okay not to look like a Oompa Loompa :P

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Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

by Madmanmorton / 06/16/2011 at 2:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

marinus's comment : Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!

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Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

by catlover / 06/16/2011 at 12:14pm / China / Animals

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

by Scholar / 06/16/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

by / 06/16/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was just wearing socks. FML

by RedheadA / 06/16/2011 at 10:24am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

by Username / 06/16/2011 at 9:20am / United States / Love

Overseer211's comment : At least he does it face to face.

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Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

by Hank Gummyworm / 06/16/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

by crapped on / 06/16/2011 at 2:25am / United States / Animals

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

by crushed dreams / 06/16/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

by mike oxsmall / 06/16/2011 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

by Ari / 06/16/2011 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Love